Making New Friends: Goals
I had a friend come to me and ask: how do you make new friends?
It was an interesting question - we are similar in age, reaching the mid-point, and have families. Making friends as you have more life changing experiences is harder.
Life is harder without friends and friends make life enjoyable.
So far in my life, I moved to four different countries, two of which I did not speak the native languages of initially. With my family my most recent move, I moved from one side of a country to another not knowing anyone at the destination.
One way I found to make friends: goals.
Specifically, helping another person achieve their goals.
When you help someone towards their goal, you’re solving a problem of theirs - possibly a big problem.
How do you think they will feel about you afterwards?
Pretty great, right?
If you could solve someone’s problem with little effort on your part, even better.
By helping someone towards their goals, even a small way, you are creating a friend - a valuable friend, because they are one step closer to their goal.
So, how do you find people’s goals? Especially strangers you may not even speak their language?
That’s an art to itself.
One is to be vulnerable. Have no agenda other than to be there for the other person and make space for them.
When speaking with another person for the first time, take time and listen. Share genuine advice that you have, experiences, an introduction to another friend, etc. that may help the other person reach their goal.
If you can’t help them towards their goal right then and there - take note of it. What I find is next I will start seeing others with that goal, maybe start seeing articles or videos of others solving that goal. When I do, I go back and share it with them. Just to add a little bit to that person’s journey.
Making friends through goals creates a bond between you and the other person. You are being vulnerable by making space and listening, they are sharing their goal with you. Just by moving the other person towards their goal a little, you’re participating in their journey in life.
At the end, we are all just walking each other home.